I am not enough. I don’t deserve this.
Enough of what? Enough for what? Why not?
In honor of National Mental Health awareness month, I wanted to tackle a common theme I’ve noticed in myself and so many of my friends. So often, many of my closest friends and I fall into this “I am not enough,” “I am not good enough,” or “I’m not worthy” self-doubt trap. It is exactly that, a trap. Whether it’s not believing we are good enough for that promotion, that new job or relationship, or that amazing opportunity. Sometimes it is even discounting our worthiness for the blessings that life has bestowed on us. It’s almost like we aren’t worthy of our accomplishments and don’t deserve to be here. This belief is the kryptonite of success, happiness, and wholeness. Not believing that you are enough or good enough leads to anxiety, sadness, detachment, comparison, anger, jealousy, insecurities, and kills your self-esteem. The list goes on…. and on…. and on.
So what? Why does this matter? What can we even do about it?
Being Kind to Yourself.
Having compassion for yourself can be difficult. We motivate ourselves and strive to be the best that we can be. Part of this, even though I have to remind myself constantly, is remembering that we are human. We may be superheroes, goddesses, kings, and queens, but we are also beautifully, erringly human. We are doing the best we can with what we have. Be kind to you.
Affirmations are short, powerful statements that help strengthen and reinforce thoughts, beliefs, and mindsets that we want to cultivate and manifest in our lives. These can be very specific, or very broad. It’s up to you.
Some of mine include:
I am enough, exactly as I am. I love myself enough to work on being the best I can be.
I am worthy of all of the people, blessings, and opportunities in my life.
I am chasing my dreams and I have all the support I need.
I can do this.
Loving On Me offers a free e-book 21 Affirmations to Loving the Real You to help get you started.
Focus on What is In Front of You.
Life can be overwhelming. Add insecurities, anxiety, and fear, and it can become debilitating. For me, this fear and worry often manifests itself by causing me to freeze or shut down. I don’t do the things I am supposed to do because there is just so much to do.
While I am a staunch advocate of naps, I am fiercely against your fears and worries stopping your greatness or dimming your light. I challenge you to focus on what is right in front of you, however these things manifest for you. Do what you can right where you are. Bloom where you are planted. In the words of tennis legend Arthur Ashe “To achieve greatness, start where you are, use what you have, do what you can.”
Talking it Out.
Telling my story was the first step on my journey to healing, but sharing and asking for help can be one of the most difficult parts of dealing with insecurities and personal struggles. Being vulnerable can be terrifying, but it might be a necessary step in healing and confronting underlying issues. Sometimes, others outside of ourselves are able to help you see things you didn’t, help put things in context or to see the big picture, or just to hold space and listen. You don’t have to do this alone, and it is important for you to know that. Whether it is a friend, family member, counselor, therapist, or in a safe place like group therapy, it is important. Journaling and sharing bits and pieces with a close friend could be a first step.
“The more you tell your story, your dreams and your entrepreneurial hopes, the more you will see that you’re not alone in either your striving or your doubts.” -Gloria Steinem
Practicing Self-Love & Self-Care.
Love yourself with reckless abandon. It is a revolution to love yourself, let alone even like yourself, and to believe that you are worthy. Because you are. Self-love and self-care are so much more than just going to get a massage every once in a while. It is a daily commitment to caring for you. It’s choosing yourself daily and making choices that are in alignment with who you are and who and where you want to be. Because we are each beautifully and uniquely us, you loving you will be different than me loving me. For inspiration, here are some of my go-to activities when I am pouring into me:
- Taking myself on solo dates to see new sights, my favorite sights, try new food, museums, the beach, etc.
- Trying and experiencing new things
- Spending time with loved ones
While I was writing this blog, I stumbled upon some articles about Impostor Syndrome and learned that this self-doubt struggle is more common than I thought. Learn more about Impostor Syndrome here, and be sure to check out Loving On Me’s recent blog Mental Health: Facts, Myths, and How You Can Get Involved.