Have you ever sat and wondered of this great love that has been bestowed upon mankind? I still struggle as to why me, why us? Of all that lives and breathes on the earth, how come we are so loved? Even with this knowledge, I still don’t feel like enough. It’s easy to say “God loves me, for He sent His son to die in my place.” The hard part is truly believing this and applying it to our everyday lives, especially as a woman.
When heartbreak, tragedy, sickness or even death happens, this pure love for life becomes tested. The purity of physical and intellectual attraction without the guidance of our creator opens unknown doors that tend to hurt, complicate and even destroy our lives.
Let’s take a look at what happens on this journey to life.
I remember being in college and going to visit an uncle who asked about the love of my life. He would say this to me all the time: “Mind you become successful and have no one to share it with”. I chuckled because that wasn’t important to me at that time in my life. I didn’t realize how empty I was, afraid to love or to be loved. It made sense to stay by myself as a way of security. I had avoided this idea of giving oneself over to another unselfishly, of caring for another human the way you care for yourself and to give and not be concerned about receiving. I was enjoying me.
After I did some soul searching, I prayed for someone to love, not necessarily asking them to love me in return. And like a whirlwind, he came. Not sure whether from heaven or hell, but there he was, the most beautiful brown eyes I had ever seen. Talk about love at first sight! He was handsome, kind, thoughtful, demanding and empty with a sprinkle of crazy, but oh did I love him! I was under the influence of my own selfish consuming fire to experience what the world was referring to as love. I gravitated to the first one out of the gate, wanting him and it to be perfect. I gave all that I had and all that I knew to this love, not realizing that when you pour out, you too must be filled. This love made me bitter, sad, hostile and empty. Why love again? Can’t we exist without it? I was doing a wonderful job alone, but my creator reminded me that love was a necessary ingredient for living. Yes! I gave myself over to love and vowed to love again, but this time I waited on my Father, who knew who and what I would need.
In September 2005, I had a dream. There he was, my earthly love. Unfortunately, I didn’t know his name in my dream, but our paths crossed in reality and by January 2006, my last name changed forever. I remember we went for a long drive on the island of Abaco in the Bahamas and it was a perfect evening. He then pulled up to this breathtaking home sitting on the ocean and I thought to myself, “Jackpot! Tall, dark, handsome and wealthy.” I started praising the Lord for this wonderful gift. I then found out later that he didn’t live there and that we would spend the next 10 years creating our own world.
This love, which has become a God centered-marriage, has been the journey of a lifetime. There were some serious growing pains and still are to this day. The truth is that God gave me what I needed in His perfect timing. A love that supports me, prays for me, would walk a mile in a hurricane to find me and who understands that in those moments of uncertainty, I reach out to God for peace. He is ok with that, for that void only can be filled by the one who gave me life.
I say to all of you who are hiding from this great love, you must take an introspective view of your past. Bottled up inside of you is the reason why you run. Just how God wants us to experience His grace and mercy, so too does He want us to love out loud. Find what caused you to disconnect and get connected again. Don’t live another day hiding. Come out and grace the earth with your loving presence. Trust me, you won’t regret it and God will be your guide. Remember that this too is a life experience, one that will stretch your heart and allow you to grow and understand that love doesn’t choose us. As women, we are called to give of ourselves unselfishly and sometimes with nothing in return. Love is the last piece of the puzzle and together we must complete our mission in order to change our world.
I love you all, from the Bahamas!