It’s been almost one month since I made the transition into community living at Bhakti Dojo. I share a large space with four other amazing, divinely influenced artists and healers. After downsizing my material possessions and finding the most effective way to utilize my small space, outside of sharing a bathroom, I figured things would be relatively easy. We all share the common mindset of requiring the household to be drug and alcohol free, strictly vegan/vegetarian, and heavy on empowering each others’ individual passions. Throughout the week, we host different events and community gatherings with an abundance of love and support from our New York tribe. My housemates support my creative expression and encourage me to act on new ideas, all while offering positive insight and potential improvement points to the things I share. 2015 is the year of manifestation, and I have never felt so full in my home environment.
Some of my most tender moments of inspiration and unity have been created between us as a whole, and I find it absolutely terrifying.
I’m sure you’re wondering what the problem is. This is the part where I talk about how someone has been using my toothbrush to clean their yoga mat, or that it’s actually a cult following and they want my first born child as an offering. Nope, sorry. It really is as good as it sounds. All group living situations require some form of compromise, and nothing has come up that we haven’t been able to meet and discuss with love. Yet, in spite of this, I still find myself struggling with this conditioned mind pattern that wants me to keep my guard up. I have always viewed the family dynamic with a strong side eye, and it’s been a difficult transition for me personally to adjust to internally.
Since living in the community, in my rawest moments of fear, my ego wants to blame (fill in the blank with whoever is closest to me) for my present moment of frustration. I have had to work even harder at cultivating space for myself to look within and notice the source of my triggers. Projection and blame are powerful tools that the ego uses to gain control. Growing up in a tumultuous home environment has left me feeling hesitant about trusting the ability of a group dynamic to express unconditional love and provide safe space. Typically harmless actions and conversations have triggered my issues with trust, safety and worthiness. Unlike my past interactions as a child, there is no yelling, degrading or aggressive behavior when having intimate conversations. For most of my life, I have had to watch out for the security of my surroundings. This community has continued to help me evolve in my ability to read energy and understand the difference between spiritual predators and fellow beings of love and light. As I spend more energy vibrating with my higher self and focusing on what I want to cultivate as an adult, I can keep my own intentions clear. My housemates are so compassionate when holding this space of non-judgmental listening, that it offers me a safe opportunity to notice the things from my past that I am carrying into my present. With this support, as I start to express difficult emotions using non-violent ways of communication, it offers me a chance to evolve. I have gained the opportunity to question the deeper parts of myself that have kept me trapped in the cycle of fear and defense mechanisms for years.
As leaders in the spiritual community, it is our job as a service to the Creator to be awake and aware of the things that affect our tribe and community as a whole. If we give in to our individual lower energies when the Universe is ready to provide, we will not be aligned to receive the wisdom and blessings we are promised. Together we must encourage each other to be on top of situations and remain faithful to truth, not ego. If we can stay mindful and alert when our individual triggers arise, they can offer us a unique opportunity to elevate one another to reach the goal of realizing our higher selves. We must come together to enhance the collective consciousness, not the individual ego.
The next time someone pushes your buttons, take a moment to reconsider your reason for being upset. Even if someone IS being malicious, you control how you respond, not them. Think of your triggers as little angels sent to help you break the cycle of pain and connect to a more positive vibration through retrospect. Let’s start with this mantra on changing the way we view things that evoke a negative response: My triggers have inspired me to be grateful for the opportunity to revisit old traumas with a new mindset, and finally, an open heart.
How do your triggers inspire you?
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