This is the third article I’m writing for Loving on Me and I decided to make it three stories in one. Why? I’ll explain. When I started this third article, I wanted to inspire you with “The secret to enjoy the perfect romantic love”. It has nothing to do with time or with commitment and everything to do with self and how to relate to another. But as it goes with writing, at least in my case, something else in my head and hands was fighting for attention as well: “What if you approached your life as a thesis?” was inspired by one of my dear friends Tahiya, who in fact wrote kind of a thesis to help her deal with important topics that are in her life right now.
And then while reading an article on the recently crashed plane (MH17) on one of my favorite inspirational blogs, I knew this article should be a combination of the first two and the message that tragedies like this hold in them for all of us who are still granted this beautiful life: ”What it all boils down to”. I hope it inspires you as much as it does me.
Let me start with the story on the crashed plane, because maybe you’ve missed it. On Thursday the 17th of July, a plane that left airport Schiphol in Amsterdam crashed above the Ukraine. Let’s not get into the what and how of the disaster but about what it tells us; in fact, what all disasters and incidences of people leaving this life too soon tell us: that life is precious, delicate and perishable. And that we are the lucky ones to be gifted more time to live, to laugh, to love, to experience, to learn, to teach, to enjoy and to give.
One of the most essential things in life in my hierarchy of needs (Maslow) is romantic love and self-actualization.
Having that special someone in my life that makes it even more worth while and doing everything that allows me to support myself and at the same time making me extremely happy.
There’s a lot of work to be done before you arrive at the step of romantic love because there’s an extremely big element of self-love in there (read my first article about finding your best friend in the world), but that’s not the message I’m conveying in this article.
What it boils down to, when it comes to romantic love, is that you are involved or aiming to be involved with someone who sees you for who you are and that you see for who they are; someone who is not there in your life to make you a better person or vice versa; someone who is not there to make you feel secure about yourself or vice versa.
Dutchie inspirational speaker Vera Helleman has a beautiful talk about this. This video has subtitles and you owe it to yourself to watch this.
You cannot love someone else if you do not love yourself. You can admire someone else. Yes, you may want to possess someone else, but it is not possible to see them for who they are and to love them for who they are if you don’t first love yourself. It. Is. Not.
I can do a lot more talking about this, but it is not necessary for now. Have a think about it and ask me questions in the comments, or give me your ideas. Please do. In the coming articles, I will get back on this subject and reveal to you how I got and get to experience romantic and perfect love.
Self-actualization, or in other words: are you doing what you really want to do? Are you getting up in the morning and are you happy to start your day? Do you look forward to getting up? To looking your perfect self? To dress up and go out and shine your beautiful light? No? Then you are wasting your time.
You can have all the excuses in the world for not being happy with what you’re doing: I have a mortgage, I’ve got a family to provide for, I don’t know what else to do; etc. I’ve got one answer for you, or actually the late British philosopher Alan Watts has in his manifesto that asks what if money was no object?
What it all boils down to is this: are you really and truly happy with your life, with the way you live it, with the people who are in your life and with the things you are doing?
You and I, we are granted this life and it could be taken away from us within a split second. It is hard work to do and to go out and make it what we want it to be. But we owe it to ourselves and to the ones who all over the world die abruptly and in vain at any given time, to work it and give it the best we can. It is our birth and our life right.