What do you do when you feel misunderstood and you could do with a little bit more love, attention, approval and happiness in your life? Then you go looking for the one person who can give this to you. And she’s right there, staring back at your lovely face in the mirror.
Before I get further into this, I’d love to introduce myself:
I am Monique, 37 years old and living in Amsterdam. When I was a baby, my mother and I migrated from Surinam, a small country north of Brasil, to the Netherlands.
I grew up in a small town called Hoorn, where I never really felt like I belonged. I did have wonderful friends though with lovely parents who made me feel loved and appreciated.
Because I looked different on the outside, it also made me feel different on the inside. Even though I wanted to fit in, like all kids growing up, I also felt like I could do things differently. I’ve always been a pretty stubborn piece of girl that did things my way and chose the less popular path when I felt that there was nothing for me at the end of the “main” road.
Only when I moved to Amsterdam at age 18, a multicultural melting pot and the capital of the Netherlands, I finally felt at home.
Last year, I decided to quit my job as a senior digital consultant at a media agency to go on an adventure. I rented out my apartment and went as far away from home as possible: to Australia. I felt stuck in a rut and was not satisfied with a lot of things in my life. And there, in Australia, without the distraction and the pressure from my everyday life, it hit me… all this time I was looking for me.
There is a little more to it, but basically you can kick start this journey by following these five rules:
1. Always put yourself first.
You are the most important person in your life so make sure you meet your needs first, always. And when you do so, there’s more space and love for others in your life. Think of it as an emergency situation on an airplane. You should always put on your own oxygen mask before you assist someone else.
2. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
My life’s motto. It’s not always easy and therefore it is extremely rewarding. Start with baby steps. Whenever you’re about to take this on and you feel yourself panic, it is not a baby step.
By doing this you gently nudge and stretch your limits and it boosts your confidence if you conquer yourself every day.
I started by doing something I was scared of at least once a day. It could be as simple as complimenting a stranger on their haircut. And the biggest thing was recently giving up my secure and well paid job to go on a nine month adventure.
3. Everything you do is perfect.
Yes, EVERYTHING. Even if it does not win you an award or someone else does not approve, it is perfect. Because you are perfect. And what if you made a misjudgement? I’m pretty sure it was the perfect misjudgement.
4. Compliment yourself.
About anything and everything, at least a few times a day. It really does not matter for what, as long as it is nice. If you really don’t know, think about what you would compliment your best friend on.
5. Trust the Universe has your back.
I say Universe because that is my belief. You enter your believe here: God, Goddesses, Buddha, Allah. You are taken care of and there is a perfect plan for you.
I know there are not a lot of people that are in the luxurious position to take a nine month break. That’s why I’m sharing this with you so you won’t have to.
Since discovering that I am my best friend, it is easy taking excellent care of myself with real and good food and exercising. I’ve got tons of energy and the relationships with my loved ones are better than before. Even in my encounters with strangers, I get the nicest smiles from them, just walking down the street. And when stuff does hit the fan, and of course it still does, it’s fixed within a whiff.
I’ve got so much else I want to share with you, all the things that have helped me to grow fond of myself, to fall in love with myself and my quirky, silly things. But start with these five rules for now. I’d love to hear how you go.
Thank you for reading and remember, what you feed … grows.
Carlie Carpio says
Thank you so much for sharing your journey. I love your rules! I’m going to incorporate number 4 starting today =)
One of mine rules is to always have a little “me” time- for yoga, exercise, reading, journaling, or even just napping!
Monique says
Thank you for reading and sharing your tip Carlie.
And yes, taking care of yourself and making time for you is so so good for yourself.
maja says
What if you are your own best friend but no matter how you accept and love you, you know that no one ever loved you back? What if no matter how hard you love yourself, you are still alone because you never got unconditional love (only abuse) what then? You r still alone..?
Katrina McGhee says
Hello Maja, thank you for visiting Loving on Me. We consider you part of our family, and are so grateful you took a moment to write. Maja you are loved, always. There is nothing that can separate you from God’s love. Nothing. He loves you, has a plan for your life, and would never want you to be abused. I don’t know your personal circumstances, but I want to encourage you to seek help. No woman should ever be in an abusive relationship of any kind. No matter your situation, your life has value and worth. You are God’s beautiful creation, and he wants only the best for you. Sometimes loving yourself means leaving the past behind. From personal experience I can tell you, it may be hard but you can do it! I’m praying for you, and sending love and light your way! Hugs and Blessings ❤
Monique says
Hi Maja,
First of all I want to thank you for being so open and sharing your feelings with me and the other lom readers.
I am very happy to hear that you are indeed your best friend. I shared this from my heart and my own experience and am sorry to say that I can not help you with this lost feeling.
My colleague and founder Katrina McGhee is however suited to reply to this and she will do so shortly.
I wish your beautiful soul all the love in the world. Because you deserve it. All of us do. It is our birth right.
Monique