Love. It ‘s God’s greatest commandment. It transcends time and space, fulfilling the greatest human need. When we feel loved, anything is possible. When we lack it, life loses much of its meaning.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning penned one of the greatest love sonnets ever written. In “How Do I Love Thee”, she poignantly captures the enduring nature of love and its power to overcome. She delves into the depth of love, and its magical ability to transcend even death. It is a beautiful soliloquy to what we all hope to one-day experience – a love that endures.
Ironically, it is her original question explored another way that often keeps us from that experience. How do we learn to give and receive love effectively? Most of us have not put a lot of thought into it. We simply love people in the same manner we want to be loved; which is great, as long as they’re just like us. But as with most things in life, we all see love a bit different.
In The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman presents us with five distinct languages of love that are present in all human relationships. At first blush we’d assume that they only apply to the relationship between you and your honey, but as we explore further we find that they apply to work, family, and friendships too. It’s about the elemental human need for community and companionship.
I’ve seen this book any number of times, but just recently stopped to read it. I thought since we were on this journey to love ourselves it might make sense to learn more about love. I am so glad I did! It was an incredibly fascinating experience. The love language I guessed was mine wasn’t. After I thought about it, the quiz was correct. But of course, I hadn’t really ever thought about it. Funny, how I expected other people to intuitively know what I didn’t really understand myself.
It also helped explain why some relationships are so extraordinarily difficult. Different love languages, if not understood, can be like two people trying to have a conversation with one speaking Chinese and the other French. You’re talking, but not communicating.
Once you understand the 5 primary languages – quality time, acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, and gifts – Gary teaches you how to effectively communicate yours while loving others in theirs. Wow, can you imagine how much more enjoyable our relationships would be if we loved and were loved in the right language?
We’d understand that many of our children spell love as T-I-M-E and not G-I-F-T. We’d realize that our team member’s productivity goes through the roof when we share words of affirmation. Our spouses would finally see that what we want most is not another bobble, but some help around the house.
One of my favorite lines from the book is “life’s greatest discovery is in learning how to give and receive love properly”. I invite you to come on this journey with me. Take the 5 Love Languages online quiz to find your love language. Then invest time learning how to communicate your desires, and discern the wishes of those around you. Better yet, ask your friends and family to take the quiz too. The less we guess the better.
If love is truly the greatest human need, then isn’t it worth a little time to explore how to do it right? I don’t know about you, but I want the kind of love that Elizabeth Browning described – a love that lasts a lifetime and beyond. God designed us for love, and I’m embracing it in all its different languages.
Loving on Me as I Love You! ❤
PS – Try reading the poem aloud. Let the words resonate through your soul. It’s a sensory experience you’ll not soon forget…
How Do I Love Thee?
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion to put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, — I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! — and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
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