I don’t write about love a lot. It’s not because I don’t believe in it – goodness, no. And it’s certainly not because I’ve never felt it. There are so many different kinds of love, and if we have the privilege of discovering each of them in their many forms, we are truly blessed.
I mostly write about communication and assertiveness because that’s what I specialize in. I help people get more of what they want from life in a way that truly does honor their values and encourage them to be comfortable in their own skin. Then, I take it a step further and help them bridge the gap between what is internal with their external expressions. Without love, none of that work is possible.
Loving on “me” has always been about deep honor – to my values and what I know to be my truth from an extremely deep and centered place that few understand. And I’ve never done it perfectly. I have always known the rhythms of my heart beat to a different drum, and I am often misunderstood. Through ample loss and rejection in my life, I have managed to keep my heart open. I used to have a mentor in college who would tell me, “Tamisha, just keep your heart soft” when I used to go sit in her office and cry and need to talk because my parents were divorcing. I’ll never forget that, Miss Robins, so thank you.
Here’s the big question then, and the one I had to discover for myself:
How do you keep your heart soft?
Especially when you’ve been through so much in your life and have so much to look forward to, how do you keep the heart space open when it just feels like it will be wounded again? What I’ve learned from love about love is that I already know the answer. The heart tends to carry the questions and the responses.
Here are some things I’ve learned about love in the past few years:
I have been able to mend a lot of bruised heart strings through conversing with the people who hurt me. It has been said that the greatest distance between two people is misunderstanding. The one way I know to make that misunderstanding understood is to communicate it and do it in love.
I could never have gotten solace and peace about those relationships had I not been able to put myself into the shoes of that person.
Personal Story: I am well aware there’s a lot of people who want to judge my real father harshly for not taking responsibility for me when I was born, and I get that (a little). But the love and empathy that God has as His very essence also lives in me, and I cannot, in good faith, have that outlook. And, if I’m honest, that was such a different time and no one except the people involved REALLY know what happened in that space. And so what if you do? If I, someone who was the very object of his affection, yet someone he simply couldn’t take responsibility for at the time, can look upon that decision and forgive it, no one who wasn’t involved has a right to do any less. Love empathizes.
Love is Patient
I’ve seen people come around after years of causing others and themselves heartache. It is truly a miracle to behold. In my patience, I’ve learned from love that the deepest and most honest understanding can come from simply waiting for it. No more, no less. Just giving the clarity time to move into the free energy space it wanted and desired all along.
The very nature of love as a way of being indicates its forward movement. Think of anyone you love – you want them to be better – to be their best. Think of any work you do – you want it to improve. Think of a relationship that means a lot to you – you want it to grow.
The miracle of love is that it is a stimulant for progress. Even as one single person moving about this earth, you and I have a responsibility to operate in the progressive form of love. We hold the power to make things better than we found them.
What lessons about love from love have you learned? We’d love to hear from you! Share them with us in the comments section below.