I have never thought of myself as a photogenic person. I’m not putting myself down that’s just the way it has always been. My family tells me I often make a fake smile. “Mom you’re doing that smile again!” they say when I am looking into the camera. For many years I haven’t liked the way I looked in photos because well, my smile looked just wrong. But have you ever tried to change something you aren’t even aware you’re doing? It’s impossible!
My daughter, however, is extremely photogenic. She cannot take a bad picture if she wanted to. With her little blonde ringlets, baby blue eyes and a smile that lights up a room, she looks like an American Girl doll. She’s cute, sure, but I started thinking is she photogenic because of her appearance? Or is it really that her smile is so genuine and innocent that pictures can’t help but capture that?
Recently, I was going through some old photos of my daughter and her friends that her kindergarten teacher had given me. The pictures are from a field trip we took to a farm six years ago. The first thing I said when I saw myself was “Oh thank God I look thin.” The second thing I noticed was how sweetly my daughter had her head tilted on my chest as she sat on my lap.
Most women can relate to that feeling. We harshly judge our bodies and our appearance, with the thought that somehow we just don’t measure up. I was overweight for the first half of my life. I am literally half the size I was. There are plenty of people in my life now who only know me as “thin.” Yet size for me is like age, it is just a number. It’s how you feel when you are there. For me it represents something else. Who I used to be and who I am now. I am healthy. I am happy. I am strong. I have worked hard to be where I am, to be happy with who I am.
Often as a photographer I am asked to make sure I get a person’s good side. Can I make them look skinnier or touch up their flaws? Those questions are invariably asked by women, not by men. Yet as I look at these women, many of whom I know personally, I see something entirely different. I see their hopes and dreams for their children. I see their beauty and their smiles. I see their perseverance and strength. Time and time again I wish they could see themselves as I, and their families do. As the women that they are, each in their own unique way are all beautiful.
Even though I don’t always like the way I photograph, my strength, physical and emotional, is what makes me proud of who I am. Not too long ago a friend remarked that I had “Michelle Obama arms.” I was thrilled! Not because of the compliment of my physical appearance, although that was nice. For me, Michelle Obama is a woman of great strength. It is not her arms I admire, but the strength of her character, the strength of her convictions, and the strength of her self-confidence.
A few months back, blogger Allison Tate wrote how she never wanted to appear in pictures with her children because she was unhappy with how she looked. She said she never felt put together and struggled with her weight after having children. She came to realize that what she saw was not what her children saw. “ I want them to have pictures of me,” said Tate. “I want them to see the way I looked at them; see how much I loved them. I am not perfect to look at, not perfect to love, but I am perfectly their mother.”
It struck a chord with me. That awkward smile that I do, well its part of who I am. Over time I have come to see that pictures are a reflection of where I was and how I was feeling at that moment in time. Do I think I have flaws? Sure I have plenty, but I have come to see those flaws as just another part of me. What is important is how my family sees me. To them, I am strong, I am a good mom. I want my children to see me in pictures and see how much joy they bring to me. To see how proud I am of who they have become. To see how much love I feel for them. The greatest gift I can give my kids is the strength of my love. I want them to see all of that, in pictures that will be shared with their children and grandchildren, long after I am gone.Add New
I want women to see their strength, their beauty and how it is reflected in their pictures. I want my daughter to not only have that strength but to see it as well. I saw a great quote the other day author unknown, on the internet. “When I look back on my life I see pain, mistakes and heartache. When I look in the mirror I see strength, learned lessons and pride in myself.” When I look at pictures of myself and that awkward smile, I have to laugh knowing it’s part of my beauty and my strength. I am more than OK with that.
Patricia Moreis-Stiles is a wife, mother, freelance writer and professional photographer. After many years as an amateur photographer, she started her own photography business, Photo Stiles in 2011. Trish enjoys hiking, biking, gardening and cooking all of which she treasures with her family. Her personal philosophy is that everyone can make a difference and teaches her children the importance of giving back to your community. Trish is a long-time volunteer and has been actively involved with a wide variety of charities in her local community. She lives in Virginia with her husband and two children.
Lori says
I can totally relate as I hate to have my picture taken but my family is very photogenic. Thanks for your unique perspective.
tmoreisstiles says
Thank you! I hope you will now see how important it is to your family to have you part of your family’s photos!
Marcia Rogers Valentzas says
Trish, has usual your article is wonderful and will impact the way I am feeling about myself at this stage in my life… opposite of you I guess, I thought I was rather pretty, always shapely and well dressed, and had a great smile , never seeing a bad photo of myself my younger years. I have many photos of my wonderful son and myself when he was younger… not nearly as many now because I no longer have the self confidence I used to have, do not like the way I look in photos… overweight… mostly due to a few physical conditions and medications. I do not feel happy and carefree like I used to… work too hard physically trying to keep my home in fair shape and at my job of 42 years… I yearn for time to enjoy, relax, and do the things I have not been able to do for many years but financially this is impossible. My one and only son , the love of my life, raised him alone and could not be prouder of the young man he has become is getting married to a wonderful young lady in September… your article has inspired me to look at myself differently, regain my self esteem, try to get in better shape physically and mentally and most of all to stand strong and smile my brightest smile with him at his wedding. This is most likely the last chapter of my life and I am going to smile more and be proud of my strengths and remember it was me that created a most wonderful young man. Thank you for being who you are… I love you and am envious of the life you have with a wonderful husband, two beautiful children and for the example you set for your family and your many friends. I think you are beautiful inside and out and I have never seen that “wrong” smile on your beautiful face. Thank you for sharing your encouragement to us women that need help in feeling better about themselves especially when they have no loved ones, as we once did, to remind them they are beautiful. xoxo
tmoreisstiles says
Marcia you are as beautiful today as you ever were you just don’t know it! You need to see yourself as others do — a devoted Mom, loyal friend, loving sister and totally happening Godmother! On Dustin’s wedding day I hope to see plenty of pictures of you smiling, (ok you can cry in a few), showing your pride at the son you have raised and his new beautiful bride. Your strength is beautiful!
Rindy O'Brien says
Excellent advise. I have worked with homeless families in DC for a number of years as a Board Member and volunteer. I am always struck about what we take for granted and recently we did a photo session with our mothers and children, as many of these women have never had a picture taken of them with their children. Can you imagine? The joy of these mom’s to have the group picture is impossible to describe. I know as a Mom, myself, I look back on our family photos, and wish there were more of us together. Thanks for the excellent article.
tmoreisstiles says
Thank you Rindy! Truly a unique perspective on how important photos can be to a family. I would love to help taking additional photos if you need help! Let me know. It would be a honor!
rainmom99 says
When I see a picture of you, I hear your laugh and think of how fun you are to be around and how you’re always willing to give your time and talents to help others. What could make a more beautiful picture than that? Thank you for your words of wisdom!
tmoreisstiles says
Thanks for the compliments! What more could I ask for? Being thought of as fun and giving, truly a blessing for me. I do believe we should always give what we can. I teach my children that everyday and I am happy to say that they fully understand that as they have grown.