Ever have one of those experiences where it seems your past comes flying forward? One minute your bopping along doing your thing when out of nowhere someone tries to throw your past back in front of you. In a daze you’re left wondering, what was that about?
That’s what happened to me yesterday. Recently, I had been contacted with an invitation to join a panel discussion focused on conscious giving. I was really excited because the other panelists are women I respect and admire. This is my chance to really get back out there, or so I thought.
But then I got news that one of the non-profit partners putting on the event was uncomfortable with me being on the panel because I worked at Komen. Evidently there are still some bad feelings about everything that happened last year with Planned Parenthood. Wow, I thought. Is that all they think of when they think of me?
At first I took the news with my usual calm, pragmatic approach. I mean, what could I do? That experience will always be a part of my life. For better or worse, people will form their own opinions about what I should have or could have done. All I can do is move forward in the best way I know how, doing the most good I can. This opportunity was obviously not for me.
But when I really thought about it, I got pissed. No, let me tell the truth. I got mad as hell. Who are they to minimize the mission of my life into a mere few months experience? How dare they value my contributions to the world through this singular lens? Did they not read the rest of my bio? Poo on them! I am not letting anyone else’s opinion of me define my worth, or my value. I don’t want to speak at their little conference anyway. Darn it, I am Loving on Me!
After I got over my little spat of arrogant, self-righteous indignation I got a little sad. Of course I wanted to speak at the conference. My feelings were hurt because they couldn’t see beyond the circumstances into the center of my heart. A moment in time from my past, which I’ve worked so hard to put behind me, was impacting my present – and I couldn’t do a thing about it.
Have you ever been there? It’s humbling knowing you can do all you can to move on, but in the end some people will never move with you. As I was drifting off to sleep my last thought was if they can’t go forward, I guess I’ll have to leave them behind.
As I reflect on it in a much calmer state, I find that I’m once again at peace. I refuse to stay sad about what someone else thinks of me. And for sure, I’m not picking up the baggage of the past just because someone else thinks I should still be carrying it. Yes, it means that there may be some things I don’t get to do – at least for now. While I don’t like it, I can certainly live with it. This I know for sure – God knows what I need, when I need it, and He will provide it. He’s given me some BIG dreams, and I believe that they will come true. My past better just stay behind me!
I hesitated to share this with you given my desire to keep things upbeat and inspirational. But then I thought to myself, heck there’s no use in me pretending I spend all day every day singing Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay. There are just some moments when the Zip-a-dee-doo-dah is gone and all I’ve got left is day.
No, it’s better when we grow together and just keep it real. We all have days when we’re just not our best selves. It’s okay. That’s when God does some of His best work. Day by day I’m learning to focus on where He’s leading me rather than wasting my energy on things I can’t control…Especially small-minded, pea brain people who won’t let me be on their stupid panel…I know. I know. What can I say? I am a work in progress!
Y’all pray for me. I’ll do the same for you…Keep smiling, and keep believing in your dreams.
Loving on Me as I Love You! ❤
This is their absolute loss. You remain close in prayer, lifted up to light and grace.
I love this story. I had a similar story about 4 years ago and I was so angry for a while and I channeled that anger and have used it as fuel for my success fires. My situation showed me how strong I was and it showed me even when someone is tearing down the bridge I’ve built, the road to building another is already jn the making.
Be Blessed
Truly inspirational
Amen! Thanks for sharing.
You have been blessed by these experiences to make you stronger and to prepare you for God’s next project for you. Their loss and your gain because now you are on an all male panel. 🙂
God always has a plan! Thanks Pamela.
Thank you for being honest. Honesty = trust.
Thank you for the encouragement. It is not always easy acknowledging things that hurt, but I believe in doing so we can all grow together. Peace and blessings!