I am living my life with NO REGRETS! Doesn’t it feel great to say that? It makes us feel like we’ve evolved to a higher plane when we shout to the world that we regret nothing. And yet, the truth is we all have something we wish we hadn’t said or done, and well, isn’t that pretty much what regret means? I looked it up in the dictionary and the official definition is “to be sorry about, feel contrite, feel remorseful and sad.” But for me it simply means, CRAP! What the HELL was I thinking?

I remember when my son was 7 or 8 years old we had one of these moments. It was a special day, although I can’t remember what was special about it, and yet typical. It was early in the morning and we were in a rush. We lived in a fairly small house with 3 bedrooms, but only 1 bathroom. This particular morning, Brandon spent a LOT of time in the bathroom. When he finally comes out I run in to shower and shave my legs only to discover Brandon had used all of my shaving gel to spray a note for me on the shower wall.  I was so upset! I’m already running late. Now I can’t shave, have to switch outfits AND clean the wall BEFORE I LEAVE.

I know you’re judging. Man, she is SO mean! I would never act like that with my kid. (Uh huh, okay) Don’t get me wrong. It was cute and all, but when you’re a parent on a tight budget and living on an even tighter schedule sometimes the clarity, patience and gratitude to accept these moments as the precious gift they are just eludes you. You’re still tired when you get up, have another full day ahead of you, and can really only handle the norm. It’s a pitiful excuse, I know, but it’s just the reality of the way we live. Too much to do and not enough time to be.

I can still see in my mind Brandon’s crestfallen face. He had invested his whole self in doing something wonderful for me and I blew it. Dang it! This is my baby whom I love most in the world and I didn’t get it right. Over the years, this incident has come to my mind many, many times. I don’t dwell on it, but the painful memory taught me a valuable lesson about taking a deep breath so that I can respond, not react.

You see that’s why I don’t believe the notion that a person can live life without regrets. We all screw up! We are imperfect creatures living in a far from perfect world. There are moments we’re going to wish we could take back, days where we hope beyond hope for a redo. But life’s not like that. The only path available to us is forward.

Instead of saying I have no regrets, I’m learning to look at regrets as lessons for the road ahead. I can’t do it over, but I can do it better next time. Regrets also set the stage for one of the most powerful of human experiences – forgiveness.

Forgiveness will ease the pain of regret, but all too often we like to wallow. We stew about our bad choices, convene a pity party, and complain to our friends until they no longer want to be our friends. Why? Because when we are wallowing we don’t have to work to get on the right track, to make change, or to make amends. Instead, we just stand still waiting for a way to go backwards to appear, hoping we can magically make whatever we did wrong disappear – along with the guilt keeping us up at night.

But, here’s the deal. Living requires forward momentum. The peace we seek isn’t in constantly looking back, but in embracing our future. However, the first step to getting there is often the hardest.

Forgive you and allow yourself to be forgiven.

There are lessons in abundance in how to ask for forgiveness. Most of us have that by now. Our problem is in accepting it. The hardest person for us to forgive is ourselves. And yet, this is what keeps us stuck. We beat our own selves over the head for so long it’s ridiculous. Half the time we lose sight of what we originally felt bad about. And the person we’ve wronged? Sometimes you look up and they have long since gotten complete and moved on. (Because they got tired of waiting for us to get over ourselves and apologize, they forgave us and set themselves free. Hmm…)

I don’t know about you, but I’m making a change. Even though we’ve been programmed to believe that guilt is a form of penance and unless we carry it in some form at all times we are not decent people, I am learning to LET IT GO! God has given us the incredible gift of forgiveness. If He can forgive me (He will), and other people can forgive me (they will or they won’t – I don’t get to decide), then guess what? I FORGIVE ME!

You can do it too! It’s a conscious act of will daily. It’s not a one-time thing. There is no blanket generality that we can chant to be free of years of guilt. But day by day, when you find yourself fixated on what you should feel bad about or what you wish you could change, gently say to yourself:

I cannot go back. I wish I could change it, but my power is in the here and now. I CHOOSE to move forward as a better person. I am sorry, but I am not stuck. God, please help me to live with my hands wide open so that I can let go of what I don’t need and take hold of the good you have placed around me.

I am not perfect, but I AM ENOUGH!

Yes, I have regrets, but I will not wallow. I am taking my lessons and moving forward into my bright future. I hope I see YOU in the sunshine.

Loving on Me as I Love You!