There was a time when my career was a big part of my identity. The adrenaline rush of successful moments, opportunities to work with well-known companies, promotions and the stories I would share at the end of my days – all evoked “oohs” and “aahs” from family, friends and peers. They were impressed with me, proud of me. Those milestones helped me paint a picture of a woman who had it together, but so often those times helped me hide behind walls built by a broken heart. My work provided an escape to a place where I was taken seriously, an intellectual and creative outlet that was all mine – something no one could take from me. Or at least I thought.
Behind the walls, my home life was suffering. I was spreading myself thin by continually covering up messes, making futile attempts to keep the peace and control issues that were so much bigger than me. Who was I kidding? Myself. It was exhausting. Hard-headed and stubborn, I convinced myself I could somehow keep going at that pace. Does this sound familiar to any of you?
However, one day, something clicked. Something was stirring. Although I had no idea what was coming, somehow I knew I needed to take action and prepare for the biggest, scariest shifts of my life. I began building a circle of people around me who would hold me accountable, pick me up and push me forward when my spine would weaken – an army of pastors, friends and family waiting in the wings to catch my fall.
That day came, and my world changed forever. I stopped trying to control what was beyond my grasp, activated my army to help me fight the battle of my life, and began seeking Him. Minute-by-minute, I relied on my faith to help me put one foot in front of the other. As days grew darker, my faith grew bolder.
“Always remember that when it gets dark enough, you can see the stars.”
That’s what my mother wrote to me in a letter during those troubled times. She was right. The stars, so to speak, illuminated my path. Little by little, God revealed He was changing me and that He was determined to reshape my mindset to seek Him first, not hide from Him and His outstretched arms. He knew abrupt changes had to occur to really get my attention.
If you allow yourself to tune into your faith through these hard journeys, God sends you messages of encouragement and validation that you’re going in the right direction. “Do not worry, oh ye of little faith,” He said.
One of the most memorable God moments during my career change was when one of my treasured “soldiers,” Dr. Mitch Land, now the dean of the School of Communications and the Arts at Regent University, took the time to call me while on a layover in an airport to tell me he was proud of me and that he knew I was going to be OK. Before we hung up, this long-time mentor and friend of mine, a man of deep faith, told me to keep the following scripture in my mind:
Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ~Matthew 6:33
After I left what I thought was my stable job upon which I based much of my identity, I had no plan. I had no idea where my next paycheck would come from. A single mom, I thought to myself, “Am I crazy for trying to work for myself while I settle into my new normal and focus on healing and raising my daughter?”
No, Susan, seek Him first.
Not too long after that, the first project I landed was with a global women’s ministry, Women of Faith. Even sweeter, the first of three projects I did with them was for preteen and teenaged girls, exactly the blessings and encouragement my daughter and I needed, all while serving with my God-given talents and skills.
Projects continued to come that focused on topics with which I had deep, personal experience. I learned to seek Him, and all these things He gave to me.
Hope is my message for you. Big changes and difficult decisions can turn into triumph. If you find yourself hiding your hurts, hold on. He’ll show you the way into the darkness until you see the stars. He’ll give you the grace you need when you seek Him first.
Have you experienced life-changing moments that forced your controlling hand to turn it over to Him? Share your words of encouragement with all the unknown who are traveling the unknown and let them know that this tribal movement of Loving on Me women are collectively praying for “all this to be given unto you.”
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