What makes a house—or an apartment, a condo, or a cabin—a home? Everywhere we look, there’s another expert telling us the answer lies in something we don’t have, from fancy bed linens to an interior decorator. The feeling of being “at home” can’t be bought, however, because it comes from an intimate relationship between us and our most personal place. Like other love affairs, this one shapes us just as we shape it. We lavish not only money, but also our time and creativity given to our homes, and in return, they give us comfort, pleasure and sanctuary.

We worry a lot about how our homes look, but how they make us feel, emotionally and physically, is far more important. That costly renovation or those silky sheets matter less than whether our living spaces nourish who we are, buffer us from stress and provide opportunities both for privacy and for socializing with family and friends. From a rented studio to a sprawling McMansion, any home can become the foundation for a better life—all for the price of fresh thinking.

A house is just four walls and a roof, but a home is made up of everything else inside. A house may be decorated from floor to ceiling with the finest furnishings money can buy. But that will never, ever make it a home. A home is a sanctuary. Home is comfort. Home is inviting. Home is a refuge from the world.

Home. It is where as they say “the heart is.” It is where you crossed the threshold, in a white dress, in your husband’s arms. Your home holds the living room where your baby walked his first steps and broke his first toys. The same toys that were opened on your family’s first Christmas. The same year, where not too long before, you burned the Thanksgiving dinner, in the same kitchen you became a top chef. Home is where you are surrounded by the simple possessions that make you smile and is decorated with your favorite things. Home is filled with your personal touches and your sentimental collections.

Your home is defined by where you experience your most beautiful moments…as well as your ugliest. You can come home after a bad day and reveal the true beast within. You can spit out bitter, hurtful comments one day, while the next, you laugh until your abs and cheeks begin to hurt. You can cuddle, you can yell, you can work on something inspirational, you can break something, or just plain break down.

Home is where your heart is. Home is where you are you, magnified or normalized. Where the pressures of societal politeness are tossed away. “Raw” is the word that comes to mind. Home has no filter. Home has every ounce of warmth the word implies. Home.

“Home sweet home. This is the place to find happiness. If one doesn’t find it here, one doesn’t find it anywhere.” M. K. Soni