The first question people ask me when they learn that I’m a single mom and my children’s father is not involved in their lives is “How do you do it all by yourself?”
Well, my answer is that I don’t do it all by myself. I learned right away after being on my own how to take help that is offered to me because, really, I had no other choice.
These are the things I remember learning growing up that helped me be independent but also taught me that to be helped was not a good thing.
-God helps those who help themselves.
-Don’t make a problem for anyone else.
-You don’t need my help, you got this.
-You know how to take care of yourself.
Those are all great things to teach kids and I say these phrases often to my children. But it took me until I had no other choice to truly understand how necessary accepting help really can be. Below shows a typical busy day for me. I do not know how I or my kids could build a life of fulfillment (not to mention food and shelter) without some truly remarkable individuals helping us every day:
5:30 a.m. Wake up to exercise; wake up son to start getting ready for school
6:30 a.m. Send e-mail to babysitter about wrapping gifts for a graduation present that needs to be shipped today.
6:45 a.m. Wake daughter to get ready for school; make breakfast and lunches (thankfully, babysitter bought food for breakfast and lunch)
7:00 a.m. Pay bills for the week online. Text cleaner to come clean the house while we are at school and work. Text neighbor friend to ask to take daughter to swim practice because of a late work meeting.
7:20 a.m. Daughter leaves for school. Shower and get ready for work.
8:00 a.m. Leave for work to make an 8:30 meeting. Send message to Mom to see if she can watch kids when I go out of town for work later in the week.
8:30 a.m. Meetings and phone calls begin.
10:00 a.m. Forgot that my work travel includes one weekend overnight due to an awards show. Call sister (children’s aunt) to see if she can stay overnight with the kids during the weekend.
11:30 a.m. Take neighbor friend to lunch to thank her for all her help with the kids. And to get adult time that is not work-related.
1:00 p.m. Back to work. E-mail babysitter to see if she can start dinner for the kids since I will be late. And if she has a chance, could she drop off my dry cleaning? I can pick it up.
3:00 p.m. Oops! Not looking like I can get home for dinner or to pick up daughter from swim practice. Call best friend. Ask if he would mind picking her up from swim practice.
And it continues from there, but you get the idea. I spent a lot of time coordinating all the help that I need for my kids to be fulfilled and for me to keep a paycheck coming in. And I am eternally grateful for the people who love my children and want to help. And they always have a smile and a “yes” waiting for me.
So, this Mother’s Day 2014 I gave a big thank you to all of my children’s other mothers.
To my mother: Thank you for always opening your life and your home to loving my kids and helping me raise them.
To my sister: Thank you for being my kids’ best guide for how to have fun and live life to the fullest. Thank you for always jumping in last minute when I need you and when they need you.
To my best friend: Thank you for helping me parent these two crazies. 🙂 And for giving my kids a guiding light, the benefit of your experiences and for loving them.
To our babysitter: Thank you for always asking, “What else can I help you with?” and that you are willing to follow up on that answer with a happy spirit and in the kids’ best interest.
To all my neighbor friends: Thank you for parenting and loving my children. They know that you are always there for them no matter what.
To the teachers and spiritual guides: Thank you for taking time out of your lives to steer and lead my children to be caring and intelligent members of society.
I always say that there should never be a shortage of people who love my children. We will take all the love and support we can get. So, no, I don’t do this alone.
Gratefully, we don’t have to.
Leave a Reply