Motherhood, one of the most joyous, rewarding and challenging roles we as women will ever play. Joyous, well of course! It’s joyous from the moment that you lay eyes on your new bundle of joy right? Rewarding, certainly! Rewarding because there’s nothing more beautiful than being blessed with the gift of having someone who you can love unconditionally. Challenging to say the least! Challenging because you now bear the greatest responsibility of all: shaping the life of another human being. But hey, no pressure right?
Now, I have to admit, I couldn’t spout all of this off when I first gave birth to my son; beginning with that joyous piece and least of all understanding the real scope of “challenging”. Whew! Now that we’ve gotten that out-of-the-way, I’m sure many of you reading this will agree with me that we feel so much pressure to smile and pretend to be super happy when we first give birth but the simple truth is that’s not always the case. Of course we love our children from the start, but sometimes instead of being joyous and happy, you’re just plain scared and overwhelmed. The joy, reward and challenge concepts all develop over time and we must begin to give ourselves, and other women, permission to grasp all of this in our own time. It’s time to abandon the façade of being perfect and start being honest. The simple idea of honesty is so freeing.
For the longest, I thought I was the only who felt this way. Why? Because I felt like my “situation” was unique. I soon came to learn that it wasn’t and that I wasn’t alone. Here’s my story. I gave birth to my son when I was a mere 21 years old. That in itself was scary enough. So much so, that for the first few years of my son’s life, I couldn’t freely connect with the joy that I should have been feeling because I spent most of my time paralyzed emotionally by all of the fear that comes along with figuring out how I would provide for my son while working 40 hours per week, caring for a mother recently diagnosed with cancer and oh yeah, carrying a full load of classes. Sleep was a luxury, money was scarce, and the bright future that would lie ahead of me wasn’t in sight.
“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning!” And boy did my joy arrive. As the years passed, life began to smooth out or so I thought. My mom beat her cancer battle, I graduated college and found myself on the receiving end of an amazing marriage proposal from my now husband. You see, things were really beginning to look up. I was even able to land a job with a Fortune 100 company! And then, the unthinkable happened, I was diagnosed with cancer. Wow- I felt like once again, the proverbial rug had been snatched from under my feet. Little did I know, this was the beginning of my awakening; my aha moment was on its way.
How does this all tie back to motherhood? Well, I’m about to tell you. As is the case with everyone else, my cancer diagnosis came with thoughts of all the “what ifs”. What if this? What if that? In the midst of all of this questioning that would keep me up at night, I woke up in tears one night to a major epiphany. It was the most profound aha moment I’d ever had. I’m lying in bed and the tears began to flow when I realized that all of the sadness and shock that came along with finding out that I was pregnant at 20 and giving birth at 21 was all for a reason. Reasons that I couldn’t quite understand at the time. You see, in the midst of my cancer battle, I found out that having children would now become difficult to impossible as one of the side effects of my treatment regimen. And at that very moment the tears flowed and the heavens opened up as I realized this: my son was born exactly when he was supposed to be! I had no idea in 1999 when I gave birth to him, that I would face circumstances four years later that may have prevented me from ever being blessed with him. What a realization! I’m grateful that God gave him to me when he did.
So back to the joy, rewards and challenges. Although giving birth for many of you may be different in that you weren’t 21 or dealing with the host of battles that I faced, but you’ve faced other challenges that made your path to motherhood happiness just as challenging. Maybe you’re dealing with the balance of kids and a demanding career, or maybe it’s a husband that doesn’t carry his end of the childcare load, or it could be a million other issues that block your path to connecting with the sheer joy of motherhood. No matter your situation, take some time to center yourself, allow yourself time to feel what you need to and to ultimately connect with the purpose for each part of your life. Appreciate the journey. Once you do, trust me you’ll be able to see all the joy, reap all the rewards and meet the challenges with faith, courage and fearlessness!
Here’s to moments of internal celebration, powerful epiphanies and peace this Mother’s Day. Cheers!
Crystal King is a proud wife and mom who draws her energy from loving her family. She is committed to making a difference through supporting and empowering others. Crystal is Sr. Manager of Philanthropy for JC Penney, working to build on the organization’s legacy of giving back. She serves as a liaison to the company’s non-profit partners across America. A true food connoisseur, in her limited spare time she indulges in cooking, baking and dining out.
Yvonne Crum says
Excellent.. love all of these stories…
mrscrystalgking says
Thanks Yvonne!
misty says
Awesome revelations. reminds me of the old hymn….”and we’ll understand it better by and by”. Congrats on reaching one of your “by and by” moments. 🙂
mrscrystalgking says
Thanks Misty! I love it:-) I haven’t heard by and by since my grandparents were alive- LOL! So calming though.
Cynthia says
You are such a beautiful person Crystal. Inwardly as well as outwardly. Wonderful story..
mrscrystalgking says
Thanks Cynthia- likewise! I appreciate you taking the time to read and share in my journey:-)
segwil@gmail.com says
What an amazing story Crystal! It is funny how, while not a mother myself, I completely understand the need to let emotions and understanding come as they will- and giving yourself time to get there. Going through a recent loss, and finding myself haphazardly meandering through the stages of grief has really given me to time to be self-aware of how and why I feel or think a certain way. All we can do is feel, grow, and move forward, and with that time will come the real understanding.
mrscrystalgking says
Thanks Sarah! You know, certain people are placed on your path for a reason. I can’t believe how aligned you and I are in our journeys. You’re right- with time comes understanding. Understanding in ways that we never could have dreamed. Keep discovering!
Bexie says
You truly are an inspiration in sharing your story and the truth about your feelings throughout life’s journey. We don’t always understand why things happen the way they do, but knowing God has a purpose for it all provides great peace and comfort through the challenging moments. You live your life by example….an example that those who know you are so thankful to be apart of. Have a wonderful Mother’s Day!
mrscrystalgking says
Thanks Bexie! You are equally inspiring! Thank you for being such a supportive teammate. I couldn’t have asked for better. I so agree with you- we don’t always understand why things are happening but we soon find out that it’s definitely for a reason!
Frances Davis says
Such a great story Crystal! God is truly amazing and I’m blessed to have you as a friend.
mrscrystalgking says
Frances, the feelings are so mutual! I thank God for the friend that you have been over the years. I laugh as I look back at how time has flown by. I’m glad to have you around:-)
Shannon Nichols says
I too was a young mother my son was born when I was 23 yrs old. Never in could I have imagined my life as it is now! According to the game we played in middle school called M.A.S.H I was suppose to marry Denzel Washington, live in mansion, drive a Porsche, and have no kids! Hahaha! Well that ended well…..My aha moment came when I saw a sign that said “Children are a Gift From God”! So, to think that God felt that I was THAT special enough to raise a human being I took on the job proudly! One thing I know for sure….Joshua Jenkins LOVES HIS MAMA!
mrscrystalgking says
Awwww Shannon!!! Thank you for sharing! You just made me laugh out loud LITERALLY!!! I had totally forgotten about M.A.S.H!!! I’m dying over here!!! There’s really something special that comes along with being a young mom. It may not seem ideal when it first happens, but, you really learn to appreciate it as time goes on. You know, like the fact that you can relate to their trends in social media, or what they are going through personally. It makes you the “cool mom”. Me and Lyman always laugh at the fact that we’re everybody’s parents. I know you know the feeling:-)
Carol Carter says
Crystal, as I’ve told you before… your story, your journey is so inspirational. It helps me to put things into perspective. Thanks for sharing with the rest of us, as it also reinforces the wonderful feelings that come with being a mother to a child of God.
mrscrystalgking says
Carol, thanks so much for taking the time to read and share such warm words! Your story inspires me as well. So glad that our paths crossed:-)
Lyman King says
This has been an amazing woman from the day she ran from me! She is truly the rock of our family and is more incredible than anyone will ever know! God has truly blessed me with the most phenomenal woman created. She is an amazing mother. I sit back and watch the sacrifices daily and in amazement “say how does she do it”. Very strong piece!
mrscrystalgking says
Wow! Thanks for being an amazing husband:-) It is only because I was blessed with you that I was able to become a wife and mother. You and Lyman mean the WORLD to me. Without the two of you, I am nothing. I love you guys more than you’ll ever know!!!!
Lawana Elliott says
I couldn’t have told this story better. This is truly a testament that we should never take anything for granted or question God. Those of us who are fortunate enough to share in your life’s journey have truly been blessed by you and your circumstances. I look forward to many more years of these “aha” moments; good or bad. Love you much!!!
mrscrystalgking says
Lawana Elliott- my ride or die! My ace!!! I love you!! Thanks for being by my side all these days. I’ve been blessed to be able to share in your journey as well. I can’t wait for you to put yours into words:-)
Constance says
Excellent story Crystal! Truly inspiring! Happy Mother’s Day!
mrscrystalgking says
Thanks Constance! Happy Mother’s Day to you as well:-)
Keiva says
This is awesome Crystal!!! You are a great mother and wife.
mrscrystalgking says
Keiva, I am a reflection of what I see! I must say the same about you:-)
Kristy Daniels says
What an amazing story you have! I’m so blessed by this! You are so right about the concept of being honest and basically taking the time to reflect on all aspects of motherhood! It’s time to be still and receive my Aha moment! Happy Mother’s Day!!
mrscrystalgking says
Thanks for sharing in my joy Kristy! I can’t wait to hear about your aha moment! Be sure to let me know when you discover it because I promise you, it’s there:-)
Cynthia says
I am so happy that god has continued to bless me with this wonderful woman! I have known you all my life and I don’t know what I would do without you. Your story is a true testament of your strength as a woman. I love you not only because you are my family, but because of the person you have always been! Love you cuz!
mrscrystalgking says
You know my response to this is “I love you more!” because I do:-) You’re my heart Cyntmon- LOL! I’m proud of the woman that you are- keep shining!
Laynetta Peeples says
This was an amazing story! This is your calling!
mrscrystalgking says
Thanks sis! I’m grateful to have had you guys with me through the years:-)
Sherrain Myles says
What an amazing testimony! Thanks for the gift of sharing your story. Happy Mother’s Day Crystal!
mrscrystalgking says
Thanks Sherrain! I hope you have an amazing day- hugs!
Kenna Williams says
Thanks for sharing your amazing story, Crystal! I must admit that I usually spend my Mother’s Day weekend missing my mother – this holiday is very bittersweet for me…
Your story helped put a smile on my face and helped ease the pain of my loss.
Thanks for making this Mother’s Day weekend a little more special for me.
Each of the stories this week have been wonderful!
Love,
Kenna
mrscrystalgking says
Awww Kenna, it warms me to know that I could bring some joy to your weekend! Your mother lives on in the amazing person that you are. You demonstrate all that she was in your daily walk through life. You’re an amazing mother, sister, aunt, friend and so many other things. Cherish the memories and enjoy your Mother’s Day!
Sheryl says
Crystal,
What a beautiful story and what’s most important for me is that I was there to be a part of your “Aha” moment. Like you, I was a very young mother and had my son at 17 years old, in which most would frown upon and view this as the ultimate disappointment. At such a young age, you are truly a child yourself, and now that my son is 18 years old I can understand why adults could see this as being a real failure. But not for me, my “aha” moment came shortly after birthing my son, which took me from a path of potential turmoil, to my road to success. See I was at the crossroads, where I could have easily gone left (a road to destruction) or right (a road to redemption) and God lead me in the right direction.
My son was my motivation, he was my savior, and he was the blessing that God needed to give me to turn my life around. With him in tow, I was able to maintain a steady job, earn a degree, and learn life’s lessons of being what a mother truly is. Now I can proudly say that I am an Assistant Vice President of a Bank, and my son is a sophomore in college earning an Information Technology degree. Wow ain’t (country slang) God good! What most would have considered my life’s “failure”, ended up being my life’s “blessing”; so my “Aha” moment came long ago.
The lesson in this is to not see young motherhood as a letdown; however, as an opportunity to build your internal expectations and follow the path that God has created. He allows you to discover strength that you never knew you had, and this is what happened to you as well. God took what could have been your detriment and turned it into your blessings. Glad I was there with you and mostly glad that you are in my life! Love you the most! Happy Mother’s Day!
Sheryl
mrscrystalgking says
Okay Sheryl- tears!!! Of course I cried when I read your response! I think back to us meeting by chance because you were my next door neighbor and grew to be one of my closest friends. I watched you as you cared for your son. In many ways, you were my role model. At that time, none of my other friends that had kids at an early age were successfully defying the odds the way that you were. I was amazed! As young as you were, you were holding it down by yourself with a nice home, a new car, etc, etc. The point is not that you had material things, the point is you managed to be successful in a situation that could have been otherwise. You never stopped, nothing deterred you. I sat back in awe and wondered “how does this girl do it???” There are so many special things about you. God blessed me with you and I’m grateful. You were a large part of helping me realize my potential. I don’t know that I would be who I am without you. I love you and miles nor time will ever change that!
Julian says
Amazing story, mothers are simply the driving force of our country. Got to love them and treat them like it is mother’s day everyday! Thank you definitely sharing this story with my mother.
mrscrystalgking says
Thanks Julian! I appreciate you taking the time to read my thoughts on my journey!
Arika says
Thank you for sharing your story Crystal and being such an inspiration. I often times feel so overwhelmed trying to balance everything and reading your blog felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Continued blessings to you and your beautiful family. Love you!
mrscrystalgking says
Hi Arika! I know exactly how you feel:-) Take the time to just breathe. You’ll find it so refreshing. You’re an amazing mother, wife, and professional. Celebrate all that you are and always remember that you are enough just as you are. Love ya!!!
Sonya says
Crystal, I miss you so much. It was so nice to read your blog…it felt like we were chatting. You and your family are beautiful and I thank God that you have been blessed in such an amazing way. Thank you for sharing your story, it was truly uplifting and positive; as you always are. Hope to chat with you soon.
Sonya
mrscrystalgking says
Hi Sonya! The feelings are definitely mutual. I miss you so much! When I saw your name pop up it made my day:-) Yes, we will definitely connect soon! We are overdue. Hugs, Crystal
Mesha says
Crystal, I just want to say you are one of the most amazing women I know. We are so blessed to have you in our lives. You have helped keep me uplifted more than you know. I stand in awe of you. Love you always.