{"id":6612,"date":"2015-10-01T15:12:41","date_gmt":"2015-10-01T20:12:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lovingonme.com\/?p=6612"},"modified":"2017-03-16T12:58:56","modified_gmt":"2017-03-16T17:58:56","slug":"what-happens-when-we-trust-god","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lovingonme.com\/2017\/2015\/10\/01\/what-happens-when-we-trust-god\/","title":{"rendered":"What Happens When We Trust God"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"In<\/a>I found a lump in my breast, a hard little mass about the size of a pecan. Examining it in the shower I had one of those stutter-step moments. The kind where your heart stands still while your mind races ahead. Is it cancer? What am I going to do? I do not feel like being bothered with this right now!<\/p>\n

Really, I didn\u2019t. Life was good. I was writing and doing work I love. Happy and at peace, I couldn\u2019t help but wonder why I was experiencing this life-interrupted moment. This little issue was probably nothing more than a distraction to throw me off track.<\/p>\n

But of course I knew better than to ignore it. After years of working in breast cancer and listening to the incredible stories of survivors, I understood the power of early detection.\u00a0So off I went in search of a primary care doctor. Yes, I\u2019m ashamed to say I hadn\u2019t bothered to find one after moving to New York. I know y\u2019all are judging me, but for those of us who don\u2019t have corporately provided health insurance, selecting a carrier and finding a doctor who actually accepts the insurance we\u2019ve chosen is a feat unto itself. (It actually deserves its own blog, but that\u2019s for another day.)<\/p>\n

Anyhow, I was able to locate this lovely Russian doctor who was extremely friendly and thorough. I told her about my breast concerns, and she asked me to lie down so she could examine me. Now, I want you to let your imagination take over and visualize the scene as it plays out.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m looking up at her face while she examines my breast. Her hand stills when she finds the lump, and I can tell from the look on her face she doesn\u2019t like what she finds. With her hand still on the lump, this is our exchange\u2026<\/p>\n

Doctor: Okay\u2026we\u2019re not going to panic.<\/em> (Please, roll the \u201cr\u201d for maximum effect.)<\/p>\n

Me: No\u2026we\u2019re not going to panic<\/em><\/p>\n

Doctor: Because it could be nothing.<\/em> (Say \u201cnothing\u201d for as long as humanly possible.)<\/p>\n

Me: You\u2019re right. It could be nothing.<\/em><\/p>\n

Really?!? Ladies, I don\u2019t even need to tell you how I felt. At that moment, all I could say was Jesus take the wheel. All my hope is in you. Please, just guide us through this process so we know what this is, and what we need to do.<\/p>\n

To gain some clarity, the doctor sent me for screening, but that\u00a0turned out to be yet another bizarre experience. The tech taking the ultrasound kept asking where the lump was located. Eventually she stopped to feel it for herself, snapped a few photos, and then took it to the doctor for review. Then the radiologist walks into the screening room, and I think, I\u2019m in real trouble.<\/p>\n

For the most part, radiologists are invisible doctors. They interpret our scans but almost never see our faces. But in my case he walks up, introduces himself and says, the tech tells me she can feel the lump but can\u2019t see it on the ultrasound. Do you mind if I examine you?<\/em> Why not? Everything else has been strange. You may as well come on out of your comfort zone too.<\/p>\n

I watched his face as he examined me, but I couldn\u2019t tell a thing. (He clearly got the memo about not freaking out the patient.) When he finishes evaluating me, he says I feel it too<\/em>.\u00a0The only thing I can suggest is going to a breast specialist, because even though we can\u2019t see it, there is definitely something there<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Right then, the Spirit deposited an encouraging word. Isn’t that just like the power and presence of God? You can\u2019t see Him, but you can feel Him and know beyond a shadow of a doubt He\u2019s there. Don\u2019t worry about this. He\u2019s got you!<\/p>\n

With that assurance, I was able to still my racing mind and pray. God I trust you. Whatever this is \u2013 you got it!<\/em><\/strong> It was such a precious gift of peace to put my trust in God. But even still it took me nearly two months before I made an appointment to see the breast specialist. Which is really sad given everything I know about breast cancer.<\/p>\n

But it\u2019s also why we can\u2019t stop talking about it and encouraging each other. Because when it comes to our own health, we can be painfully slow in prioritizing our needs. It\u2019s easier to assume it\u2019s nothing, or put off exploring it until it\u2019s convenient, which by the way \u2013 is never.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s also quite easy to use our \u201ctrust in God\u201d as an excuse for inactivity. See I was convinced, that He was going to handle it, come what may. But that was no reason for me not to get in gear and take care of business. Because when we really<\/em> trust God, we get three things:<\/p>\n