My end-of-year reflections are in full swing, and lately I’ve been experiencing this weird mix of happiness and profound disappointment. I find myself all at once pleased, and then moments later, ready to cry. Which, given all I’ve been blessed to accomplish in the last 12 months is really silly. Trouble is, I wanted so much more.
When we start the year we always have such grandiose plans. We set our intentions, make resolutions, and begin down the path to achieving our goals. Then a funny thing happens a few steps in – Life. It knocks us in a whole new direction, derailing our beautiful plans and squelching our enthusiasm.
Suddenly what seemed so doable – losing weight, finding a new job, getting out of debt, starting a business, or my own personal demon – finishing a book – get farther and farther away on the horizon. Many times what’s thrown us off track is so all-consuming that we forget all about what we intended to do. Until the end of the year that is, when we pick up our measuring stick, and judge our selves to be behind.
I’ve been trying to figure out how we can eliminate this whole drama-filled scene by really embracing the concept that I am enough. That what we’ve done is enough, and that where we are is exactly where we’re supposed to be right now. Not sometimes, but all of the time. Because at moments like this, I realize that even I don’t quite have it yet. With all of my powerful affirmations and positive thinking, I still come back to this.
Which I must tell you is a little frustrating. I mean, honestly, I’d rather have graduated from this struggle and gone on to a new one. But since I haven’t, I’ve decided to muster up the courage to feel what I feel, and go on anyhow. To not let that voice inside my head that’s fighting to weigh me down with negativity, win. Instead, I will continue to persevere, knowing that ultimately God is in control.
And there it is – my lifeline, my anchor, and my hope for a new day. It’s not about my plan, which was fallible from the start. It’s not about my timeline, which could never have accounted for the unexpected twists and turns of my journey. It’s about His, and only He knows it.
So why do I worry when I fall short? Why do any of us put our selves through the unnecessary angst and disappointment when things don’t go as we plan? Honestly, I think it’s because we forget who we are, and who God is. We experience a measure of success and start trying to do His job, thinking that everything in our world is under our control. Then when life snaps us back to reality, reminding us that it’s not, we spend countless hours wondering what we did wrong or what we should have done different, instead of accepting the correction of God’s guiding hand.
Am I saying that everything we set out to do didn’t happen because God said go a different direction? Absolutely not! For example, I know for sure I didn’t lose any weight this year because I stopped exercising and started eating chocolate. It was delightful enjoying my yummy treats, but as my too tight clothes remind me, it sadly must come to an end. You see that’s something that IS under my control. I just have to make up my mind to do it.
Conversely, there are things where I gave it my best, and I still didn’t make it over the finish line. I tried. God knows I did. And you did too. But it wasn’t the time for completion, or in some cases, we were working on the wrong thing. Whatever the case, there’s no benefit to beating our selves up about it. All we can do is be fully present in this moment, accept where we are, and courageously keep moving forward as God allows.
At least that’s what I plan to do. I mean, clearly I’m no expert. I’m in the struggle right with you. But I keep asking God for wisdom, and bye and bye, He’s illuminating more of the steps down the path. I’m learning that even though the struggle continues, so too, does the grace, compassion and love. I guess I don’t have to be perfect, to be perfectly used by Him.
I pray that as you assess your accomplishments for the year, that you look through that same lens of grace. Don’t judge yourself as lacking because God sent you in another direction. Don’t condemn you if you fell short of giving it your all. Instead, feel that moment of disappointment, and then have the courage to move beyond it.
How we end the year is how we’ll start the new one. Let’s release our disappointments, and embrace our Divine destiny once more. No matter where you are ending the year – You are mighty, you are strong, and you are enough. Believe it!
Loving on Me as I Love You! Hugs and Love ❤
Carlie Carpio says
Great reminder! I find myself struggling with this too and have to constantly remind myself that His plan and timeline are greater than mine could ever be! Then I use a lot of compassion for areas that I feel might not measure up. Thanks for sharing! Hugs!
Katrina McGhee says
I love that Carlie! You are amazing and extraordinary. Let’s throw our measuring sticks away, and just be who God has called us to be. It is enough! Happy Holidays! 🙂
Christeryl says
You are truly God sent. I thank you from my spirit to yours for reminding me of what I seem to have forgotten about myself and this journey. Please continue to render all of your talents to serving women and people of all walks of life. You are truly needed.
Katrina McGhee says
Thank you so much for your sweet note of encouragement. I pray God blesses you in abundance in the New Year! Hugs and Blessings ❤
Pat McGhee says
Will keep moving FORWARD by the Grace of God no matter what.
Katrina McGhee says
Amen! As long as we’re here, He still has more for us to do. 🙂